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Mesa Arch Canyonlands Utah

One day my child will ask,
“Where is she, mother”?
Where is she that bore you that bore me?
What am I going to say to her?

At death’s behest, you surrendered
For this, I lamented and I wailed
At the entryway of my personal hell
In my misery and incomprehensible pain,
My soul was torn into a thousand pieces
My spirit covered in rags,
Head shaven, eyes lifeless, face ashen
I was barely discernible as human

I pleaded, nay, I beseeched the sentinel
I asked the watchman, could your time be prolonged?
But alas, I knew it was up.
I prayed to Him to let you live
I prayed, even though it’s impossible

I knew it when I saw you running to me,
Your face bore the telltale signs of death
The grim reaper was seething,
I saw him growling mercilessly
His eyes filled with greed as he stood pounding on the doorway,
Delayed only by the hands of our God.
Detained for your sake and for the love of me.

I nearly collapsed in grief
At the sight of this looming darkness
I buckled at the weight of this enormous test
My spirit screeched from the core of my being

I couldn’t make the wailing stop,
I was convulsing in fear.
I was revolting at this treachery
Who dared steal your life from us?
Who dared rob us of your love?
Who dared reduce you to ashes?

Your death left  an enormous chasm,
A hole that cannot be filled
There is no one to heal my broken soul
Who will fix my crushed spirit?
Who will lift up my broken body?

The harrowing reality of your absence is maddening
And I pine for your presence with each passing day,
I miss your beauty and your grace,
Your face that so lovingly reflects my own,
Your touch, so warm and so tender

When I look at you, I see the face of an angel,
The shadow of the unseen God,
In the mirror I see a reflection of your kind face
A faint glimmer of your beautiful spirit

Today, I eulogize your life once again,
So indulge my weeping and my songs
And as you smile at me so beautifully from the heavens,
Blow your kisses my way.
Watch over me, pray with me
Pray, as you wait for us patiently

For it is written in the stars,
We will see you once more
And when we do, it will be eternally,
It is as sure as the sun rising in the east,
As infallible as the verity of His words
As unshakeable as the truth of your death
However poignant that may be.

– In Loving Memory, September 2011